Happy Un-Mother's Day

I honestly have to say that Mother's Day is by far the hardest day of the year for me. Every year, it is a reminder of what I still do not have in my life. I always hope that the next year will be different, but so far that just hasn't happened for us. At this point, I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I always feel so good about things at the beginning of a treatment cycle, but by the end, I am an emotional wreck and not even sure that I can handle all of this anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to hang in there, it will happen, I will be a great Mom, but the more time that passes, the more I begin to think that maybe I'm not meant to be someone's Mommy.

March for Babies

We had told Katie and Brian a while back that we would like to walk in the March of Dimes with them this weekend. Little did we know that this was going to be a very emotional day for us. Of course the day before I had found out that I wasn't pregnant this month. We got to the walk and it was just a sea of babies. As I was waslking up to get signed in, I could feel the lump in my throat and was trying to choke back the tears. To see all of these families with their "miracles" was that much more of a reminder of what I didn't have. You saw the people walking with their children who were little peanuts and had now grown into healthy little toddlers. You saw the people with their children who were obviously still struggling to stay healthy, and you saw the parents with the shirts who were walking for the babies that they had lost. At that point in time, I got to thinking that I don't know which is worse, to have never loved my own baby, or to have a baby and lose them. I can't even begin to imagine what those families are going through, but I wonder if many of them started in the same place that I am now.

I am glad that I did the walk and that I have a healthy niece and nephew. I am thankful every day that I have them in my life.

The wait is over.......

As most of you already know, things didn't work out in our favor this month. I really thought for sure that this was our month! I had so many symtoms this time that were different, but no luck. I tried to go to work for the day but I just couldn't function, I ended up crying more than I was working. I tried to call the doctor's office to schedule and ultrasound and they said that I had to come down on Saturday and I was going to be out of town for the weekend so we decided to not do any treatment this month. I'm not sure what the plan is for now, just not sure I can handle a broken heart again.

One week down, one to go....

So I have survived the first half of the two week wait. I managed to stay pretty busy over the weekend which was extremely helpful! If the rest of this week can goes as fast, I will be good to go. I am really just trying to take things day by day and hope for the best. I really appreciate everyone's comments, prayers, and good vibes, you don't know how much it helps! This is all I have for today. Hope you all have a good week!