-Not being healthy, and feeling like I am much older than I am.
-Weighing more than the better half.
-Being limited when shopping because I have to shop in the plus size department.
-Not being able to ride bikes with my hubby.
-Being asked if I am pregnant, or when my baby is due!!
-Being uncomfortable in airplane seat, amusement rides, seat belts in general.
-Not being in pictures, because I am afraid of how I look.
-Being scared of breaking chairs when I sit on them.
-Always feeling like I being stared at or being made fun of.
-My double chin!!!
-Not being able to wear shorts because of how bad my legs look.
-Not being able to go swimming (which I love) because of how I look in a bathing suit!
-Not being able to wear sleeveless shirts because my arms are so big.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Update
So far things have been going well. I will be finishing my first month on Wednesday, and to date I am down almost 18 pounds. I am really happy with the numbers so far, I just hope they continue. I won't lie and tell you that it has been easy because it hasn't. I have had my slip ups, and the days that I fell completely off the wagon, but I still get up the next morning wanting to keep going. I know deep down that I can do this; it is time to do this!
Thanks for everyone's support and encouraging words. It helps more than you know!! =)
Thanks for everyone's support and encouraging words. It helps more than you know!! =)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Are you allowed to kill your husband for having fried chicken in the house?????
I didn't think so.....So I get home tonight from work and walk in the door, and what is the first thing I see but a box of fried chicken. I gave the hubby the evil eye and he looked scared and said "sorry". He then rushed to put it in a container in the fridge. I know he is trying to be supportive, but sometimes I just don't think he understands. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Ok, I feel better now! I will post more info as I have it. =)
Ok, I feel better now! I will post more info as I have it. =)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Change, change, and you got it, more change!!!
So it has been a while since the last time I blogged, and as I am sure you have already guessed-things have changed BIG TIME!!
After my last cycle ending in yet another negative test, I really started having a hard time. Not that it hadn't been hard before, but this time it was just different. Every other time I was ready to get going again and start another cycle, this time I truly felt defeat. We had to take the month off anyways since we couldn't make it to the doctor's appointment. I had a lot of time to think during that month. All along I have been telling people that I didn't know how to decided when "enough was enough" as far as fertility treatments go. It is something that you want so badly, yet it hurts so much when things don't work the way you had planned. After all the contemplation, I decided that I no longer wanted to do fertility treatments. I honestly have to say that this is probably the hardest decision I made in my life, but it was consuming too much of my life.
So now the next part came with having to tell David the "news". I told him that we needed to "talk". The first thing he said was "what did I do now?" =) I told him that he didn't do anything and he proceeded to ask me everything that he could possibly think was wrong. I told him I would talk to him about it when he got home that evening. Needless to say this wasn't a decision that either of us had taken lightly, but we knew that it would be best for us. We can't remember the last time that we took time off work that wasn't for a doctor's appointment, or used are savings for something that was fun instead of fertility treatments. So the decision has been made that we will no longer do treatment. If we are one of those couples that is able to achieve a pregnancy after giving up and "not worrying about it" anymore, that would truly be a blessing, but right now we are just trying to be happy with what we have.
The next change was also related to no longer doing treatment. After spending nearly four years trying so hard to have a baby, I finally decided that it was time to take care of myself physically and emotionally. All that we have been through has played a big part in my health and well-being. There is program that was started in Troy that is a non-surgical bariatric program called Roundtable Wellness. I have heard a lot of people have had great success with it, but I was hesitant to do it because of the cost. I was at the point that I was feeling like crap all the time. I was always tired and didn't have any energy to do anything. I decided that doing this program would cost less than the fertility treatments we had been doing, so I called and made and appointment. I had to have an EKG and a various amount of lab work done prior to my first consult with the doctor, so my first appointment was scheduled for June 3rd. I went the first night and I will honestly tell you that when I left I was scared out of my mind! Not because the doctor was scary, but just scared that I was going to fail at yet something else. I am now four days into the program and I went back yesterday for a follow up and I am already down 8 pounds! I am so excited that it is working! I know it's not going to be easy as it is a bariatric program which means that I am eating shakes, puddings, soups, etc, but I think if I continue to see these kind of results, it will be easier to stick with it.
I know this is something I NEED to do! I am sick of being this way and refuse to let my weight keep me from having the best possible life that I can! I know that I can do this, I just need everyone's support! I want to be able to ride on an airplane and not be miserable in my seat, I want to be able to ride a roller coaster (even though I don't like them that much) and not have to have an extender on my seat belt, I want to be able to go for a bike ride with my husband because I know that it is something that he loves and I want him to be happy too! I'm not sure what my plan is when I get to my goal yet, but I told David we are getting a Harley LOL =). We'll see what happens.
The last and hopefully final change for a while has to do with my job. After many hours spent thinking and hoping that I was doing the right thing, I have decided to take a different job. I have been doing registration for about three years now and most days I really like what I was doing, but I just kept finding myself wanting more, wanting something that was going to challenge me and the skills that I have. There was a position that opened up that is still in patient access, but it is in pre-call which is calling the people that have scheduled testing and getting them registered over the phone prior to coming in for their appointment. There have been positions open in this department before, and I was interested, but just never applied. This time around when the job was posted, I decided that it was time for me to do what would make me happy and I applied and found out on Thursday that I got the job! Most everyone has been very supportive of this change, and I appreciate that, but some are disappointed, and I understand that as well, but when it comes down to it, it is time to do what is right for me, not for others! I will be working 1130-730 M-Th now and 8-430 on Fridays and will no longer have to work weekends. I know it is a little later that I work now through the week, but I know it will be nice to get off earlier on the weekends. I know that there will be many, many people that I will miss seeing at the hospital since I will be working in a different building, but I feel that the positives definitely outweigh the negatives when it comes to this change, and I feel that is all that matters.
I know that his has been quite the lengthy post, but there has been a lot to share. Like I said, I need all of your support right now, so send me a message or comment to let me know you read my blog. I hope everyone is well and is have a nice summer (even though technically it is still spring for a few weeks)!
Until next time........
After my last cycle ending in yet another negative test, I really started having a hard time. Not that it hadn't been hard before, but this time it was just different. Every other time I was ready to get going again and start another cycle, this time I truly felt defeat. We had to take the month off anyways since we couldn't make it to the doctor's appointment. I had a lot of time to think during that month. All along I have been telling people that I didn't know how to decided when "enough was enough" as far as fertility treatments go. It is something that you want so badly, yet it hurts so much when things don't work the way you had planned. After all the contemplation, I decided that I no longer wanted to do fertility treatments. I honestly have to say that this is probably the hardest decision I made in my life, but it was consuming too much of my life.
So now the next part came with having to tell David the "news". I told him that we needed to "talk". The first thing he said was "what did I do now?" =) I told him that he didn't do anything and he proceeded to ask me everything that he could possibly think was wrong. I told him I would talk to him about it when he got home that evening. Needless to say this wasn't a decision that either of us had taken lightly, but we knew that it would be best for us. We can't remember the last time that we took time off work that wasn't for a doctor's appointment, or used are savings for something that was fun instead of fertility treatments. So the decision has been made that we will no longer do treatment. If we are one of those couples that is able to achieve a pregnancy after giving up and "not worrying about it" anymore, that would truly be a blessing, but right now we are just trying to be happy with what we have.
The next change was also related to no longer doing treatment. After spending nearly four years trying so hard to have a baby, I finally decided that it was time to take care of myself physically and emotionally. All that we have been through has played a big part in my health and well-being. There is program that was started in Troy that is a non-surgical bariatric program called Roundtable Wellness. I have heard a lot of people have had great success with it, but I was hesitant to do it because of the cost. I was at the point that I was feeling like crap all the time. I was always tired and didn't have any energy to do anything. I decided that doing this program would cost less than the fertility treatments we had been doing, so I called and made and appointment. I had to have an EKG and a various amount of lab work done prior to my first consult with the doctor, so my first appointment was scheduled for June 3rd. I went the first night and I will honestly tell you that when I left I was scared out of my mind! Not because the doctor was scary, but just scared that I was going to fail at yet something else. I am now four days into the program and I went back yesterday for a follow up and I am already down 8 pounds! I am so excited that it is working! I know it's not going to be easy as it is a bariatric program which means that I am eating shakes, puddings, soups, etc, but I think if I continue to see these kind of results, it will be easier to stick with it.
I know this is something I NEED to do! I am sick of being this way and refuse to let my weight keep me from having the best possible life that I can! I know that I can do this, I just need everyone's support! I want to be able to ride on an airplane and not be miserable in my seat, I want to be able to ride a roller coaster (even though I don't like them that much) and not have to have an extender on my seat belt, I want to be able to go for a bike ride with my husband because I know that it is something that he loves and I want him to be happy too! I'm not sure what my plan is when I get to my goal yet, but I told David we are getting a Harley LOL =). We'll see what happens.
The last and hopefully final change for a while has to do with my job. After many hours spent thinking and hoping that I was doing the right thing, I have decided to take a different job. I have been doing registration for about three years now and most days I really like what I was doing, but I just kept finding myself wanting more, wanting something that was going to challenge me and the skills that I have. There was a position that opened up that is still in patient access, but it is in pre-call which is calling the people that have scheduled testing and getting them registered over the phone prior to coming in for their appointment. There have been positions open in this department before, and I was interested, but just never applied. This time around when the job was posted, I decided that it was time for me to do what would make me happy and I applied and found out on Thursday that I got the job! Most everyone has been very supportive of this change, and I appreciate that, but some are disappointed, and I understand that as well, but when it comes down to it, it is time to do what is right for me, not for others! I will be working 1130-730 M-Th now and 8-430 on Fridays and will no longer have to work weekends. I know it is a little later that I work now through the week, but I know it will be nice to get off earlier on the weekends. I know that there will be many, many people that I will miss seeing at the hospital since I will be working in a different building, but I feel that the positives definitely outweigh the negatives when it comes to this change, and I feel that is all that matters.
I know that his has been quite the lengthy post, but there has been a lot to share. Like I said, I need all of your support right now, so send me a message or comment to let me know you read my blog. I hope everyone is well and is have a nice summer (even though technically it is still spring for a few weeks)!
Until next time........
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